wednesday am utterly lost for words..how on earth did i fare so badly for FS?! i managed to pass.which is more of a consolation than anything else but i'm bitterly disappointed that the 2 people i coached got an A and a B...i guess i'll just have to prove that i can get myself my targeted B-/C+ in the next common tests.my head has been waging a battle within itself since this morning..tryin to sort out my thoughts.debating with myself over courses of action..as though i'm fighting some war..i see images of people in my head..some i know..most i don't..is this some sort of message from Him? i suppose it might and might not be..but i'll never know..at least not now..whilst being upset and being down..i'm quite glad that at least i have church to fall back on..a place of solitude and at least i have someone to talk to no matter what..i thank God for the many blessings but sometimes i feel He could have given more..then again..let His will be done..not mine..same goes for everything else..if she's meant to be..all well and good..if not..i don't know..priesthood maybe? cant get the lyrics of "Here Without You" out of my head..it just keeps playing back over and over..and when that happens.it affects my mood and then i'll have no interest in anything at all.. =\ i'll just have to pick myself up after this fall and carry on again.not that FS is hard to score in.its just that i'll have to get rid of all those silly mistakes that cost me alot of marks.mistakes that are so elementry in the topic itself.mistakes that people like chinx and probably even cedrych wont make.the days just dont get any better dont they? probably the only plus point for the day was sharon goh asking if i would mind being a student-tutor for java..i wouldnt mind doing it..but i'm just afraid that tutoring people..well..lets just say i wouldnt want the same thing to happen in psp1..screwing up my own grades while those i tutored actually scored better..how justified is that? tutoring is fine with me.but i cant bear to tutor those who cant be bothered to listen during lectures.those who dont do their tutorials.yet at the same time its an obligation (somehow i think i did an entry about this some time back) because i'm their classmate and module rep for csa...but i hardly see the logic in helping those who refuse to help themselves.yet if i dont do it.i'll be seen as some stuck-up bastard who refuses to help others.i really dont know if i should accept being a student-tutor or not.what a life.

caught in this world.no one to turn to.the light at the end fades.and i fade away in shades of grey