monday morning jeanne.the one person who had possibly the greatest impact in my life.emotionally and psychologically.the mental block i had of her was pretty good.at least until saturday..while goin through one last practice for justin+eileen's weddin.she walked through the door of the CA room in church where i was lookin for my drumsticks.the moment i saw her.all hell broke loose inside of me.i just cant describe how heartbreakin it was.it eats me from the inside.and to sound cliche.it cuts deep.2 years on and i find myself strugglin with this.at the same time that i'm tryin as best as i possibly can to get with geraldine..the feelings carried over to the weddin mass and i almost screwed up.i misplayed 2 songs.the Lord's Prayer and the Offertory Hymn..still feelin the emotional strain of it as of now..after the mass.went back home to catch some sleep before goin for the matrix marathon at tiong bahru plaza..shows started at 2330 and ended sunday 0830..so was pretty tired when i got home.caught some sleep before headin to Merchant Court Hotel for the weddin dinner.had to set up my laptop for justin+eileen to use for their video and a presentation.to a certain extend i was greatful that jeanne didnt attend but ironically.it was with a tinge of sadness and hopelessness.i mean.i know she's havin problems with her other half now.but knowin what i felt for her 2 years ago.it just isnt easy for me to try to console her and offer her advice.and at the same time.she doesnt talk about her problems with anyone i know.yet i still get messages from her once in a long while.the latest bein just about 6 hours ago...

that aside.after 9 years of courtship.justin and eileen tied the knot on saturday with a brilliant ceremony in church and a wonderful dinner.was great to be with antioch people again.workin together to make something work.and i'd say it was a job well done by all of us (save for my screwed drummin on saturday).had a 6 course dinner spoilt only by the altar servers who attended the dinner as well.all of them were underaged and well.they drank alcohol and drank alot as well.pissed me off real bad because when edwin found out.the waiters were told not to serve anymore alcohol to any of the two tables occupied by the altar servers and antioch.giles.sherman.victor and myself were visibly angry with the altar servers.but i wont let somethin like this spoil a day that was pretty good.right now.two names are all that's in my head.jeanne.geraldine.guess i'll go to sleep tonight with a heavy heart and tearing eyes..and it times like this i just wish i were at the beach with either of them.even marilyn would be great to have and to hold for life..i'll never understand why i ever gave up on marilyn..never did.never will