lousy feeling.

monday well. what more can i say? sacrifices will have to be made. and going for my overseas posting is definitely one of the biggests i've ever made. leaving behind family, friends and all the things i like to some place different, some place that speaks more chinese than i've ever spoken in my entire life. not to mention her as well. though nothing is confirmed, i'm pretty sure i'm headed that way so i'm trying to prepare myself mentally. not sure what to expect and stuff. leaving behind opportunities and such.

saturday was great. match against pasirians sucked real bad. unnecessary fouls, unnecessary lost of tempers. put it all together and it equates to a game lost. went back to shower before heading out to meet shuren ben and shaun at muddy murphy's for drinks and soccer. headed to coco latte after that for some unsw party that julian organised. had a hell of a time though to be honest, towards the end of the night i was pretty distracted, thinking about things that i have not allowed myself to thus far. let's just say i was pretty upset, even till now..

think sometimes we all have to let go of something. something or someone. guess it hurts more when you have to let go of someone you love a lot. like i said. sacrifices. it's bad enough to be in a win-lose situation but worse in a lose-lose situation. as it is, things aren't turning out the way i hope because the potential is already lost. doesn't help that i'm at a certain disadvantage so it hurts a lot and sometimes i just don't know what to do anymore. i'm trying my utmost and i've reached the point where there's no turning back, and i absolutely refuse to.. so yeah. i'm headed straight for an end that i know would hurt me bad but i guess like some people say, it's not the destination that matters, it's the journey. and so far the journey hasn't been all that bad. now if only one or two things change, maybe the destination might change too. =|