wednesday morning guess i'm not too disappointed about not being in the ivp team now..had a talk with hongzhen after training during dinner..voiced out my unhappiness and all that..got positive feedback (unlike some other seniors)..so i'm pretty ok with things..for now..still have an outside chance of making it in so i wont entirely give up.. oh wells..i'm still pretty much convinced there's biasness involved..and it's so clearly seen in the lines of the team.. -shakes head- whatever yeah? floorball. hope. two words that don't entirely go together..gonna have a lousy new year. -_-

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hope he didnt send the sms to the wrong jason.hope i still have a chance.hope i'll make it..damn.i'm hoping too much =| -prays-

saturday worse day in the week.period. had a lousy game today.and if that wasnt enough.to add insult to injury..i'm effectively struck off the IVP team list.and if that isnt enough.bloody seniors decided to go back on their promise (which is.irregular attendance people wont be selected).am totally disgusted by the way they select the IVP team.what started of as a positive day ended on a very sour note.

1. aint pleased with the fact that i was placed on the 4th line for the 2nd period.that meant i only played about 5-6 minutes of the whole 60 minute match..
2. aint exactly happy with the fact that quite a few seniors who have regularly skipped training are coming back to "snatch" the year one's places
3. bloody merahan's or whatever their damned name is called..was marking a fella.held him off at arms length and that fella fell.
4. am not happy with the way the lines are chosen..i mean..the lines are not balanced.when its not balanced.. "adapt"..like what the hell?
5. i still feel selection on lines should be based on how players react to each other durin trainin..and if they insists on their own lines of own "khakis" together..then why not keep to the same lines in training and in friendlies instead of changing all the time?

maybe i'm still damn pissed off..then again..scrub the maybe..i AM pissed off..worked my socks off for 6 months only to see it go to a waste after one lousy performance thanks to some lousy people's planning..all said..i'm not faulting them..i know i'm weak defensively..but recognise the positives more than the negatives? if i can score goals from just about anywhere..i dont see why i should be left out..which brings me to another point..how on earth did they come to the conclusion that wei ren is not fit enough? just about everyone knows he plays a very composed game..compare to guoliang..runs around..but mostly doin nothing (kinda like me..at least defensively)..at the end of the match..no doubt we lost 7-6 to a penalty (that shouldnt even have counted)..from an observer's point of view..i think it exposes alot about the way the committee selects the team..about how biased they can be.. -sigh- ABSOLUTELY BOILING INSIDE

thursday christmas! haha! oh wells...midnite mass was great..at least for me..cos of e friends who were around.. =) anyhows..the past 2 days have really been crazy for me..met up with #go.fly pple for dinner at swensons on christmas eve for dinner..hehe...got a burberry's thinggy from bryan..real cool..looks ex too...went for mass after that...went out with church people to holland village breako's for makan after mass..had egg and chicken mayo sandwich.hooch.e33.and some ice blended thing..caught a cab home at around 4am..crashed straight away when i reached home around 4.30+....and now's the fun part...why it's been especially crazy for me..revelation of the year..for me at least..giles knows sharon chan! and who's that you might ask? wells..she's the first person i EVER tried to go after! -damnit- anyhows..glad that she's doin fine..still types an sms the same way..duno if she talks the same way though..but in any case..just real glad that she remembers me.hehe.. :P miss the days where we met at bedok mrt after school..talked on phone till 2 in the morning.. -sigh- sometimes i feel i still love her..but oh wells..love might not be the word to use..i duno..almost cried when i realised how long it's been since we last met/talked..christmas..always a little something different for me..new surprises each time..this christmas season has been quite cool..got loads of new stuff..most just before christmas..thank God for all that i have..especially my friends..people like sharon and giles..people like chinx cedge and sean..marilyn brian jeremiah matthew..the list goes on...if i had a christmas wish that would never be fulfilled..it'll be to have all my better friends with me for a christmas dinner..all together.. -dreamy mood-

wednesday morning had a lousy ending to an otherwise good day..well..more than good anyway..met nai and some pple to go china black..was pretty cool but left early cos it was totally boring..headed to crown prince's swensons for ice cream before heading home..went out early and was with wanyi the whole day..caught Sound of Colors with her before heading to town to do some shopping..bought my dad's and mum's present..got a rough idea of what to get for wanyi too.heh..oh wells..had loads of fun..first time in ages too..funnily enough..i'm sorta going against my "requirements"..i'm finding myself to be open to the fact that she's more "chinese-orientated"..i find myself bein open also to the fact that i'm able to accept her for who she is cos she isnt the best lookin girl in the world..there's just that SOMETHIN that is so damn appealing.. -shrugs- its weird..how i'm feelin that is.. -sigh- anyhows..am in the ivp team for floorball..funnily enough..my name was the last to be read out cos they announced only 16 of the 21 players..even so..i'm not really assured of my place cos it'll depend on my performance in the comin friendy matches..
in other news..my stick broke and well..spent almost $200 getting a new one at tiasa...hai.. and well..day ended off pretty badly..havin gotten hell from my dad cos of the broken stick..like wtf man.. =\

sunday morning alrite..patience is wearing thin...friday was fantastic..met cedge sean and chinx for lunch at fish&co..been rare for us to sit and just talk..thoroughly enjoyed it..went to swensens for ice cream with sean n cedge..cos chinx went to meet her darlinggg...(muahaha)..anyhows..talked alot about our relationships in the past..so was quite painful and yet relieving..went to church after that for santa maria choir practice for midnight mass..man..was tiring..so saturday came along quite fast..met jason (flrball senior) for lunch..fella as usual..late..so ended up at SIM instead of Ivins for lunch..so went to trng afta that..not alot of people so we went straight to games..was pretty frustrated..got quite abit of injuries..den again..anything for my ivp place :P lookin forward to tuesday..dont ask

friday morning training was good i think..got a hang of doing drag-shots..pretty ok..not the best but will do for now..i'll get better over time.anyways..bought wanyi's blade on wed when i met up with jere..watched infernal affairs 3 with him too..gave it to her today..told her to not bother about payin for it..and well..lets just say i'm still bouyed by what she said on tues..so i'm carrying the enthusiasm over..anyways..abit worried about her..got hit pretty hard on her neck/throat area..so yeah -ouch- right leg's numb after i got hit on my calf by zhiwei..albeit accidentally..

in other news..watched LOTR this mornin with antioch people..was pretty good..got pissed off with 3 middle-age farkers..really wish them dead now..kept talkin through out the whole 3 hours 10 min..

antioch camp 2nd/3rd day- well well..slept over at raymond's hse..woke up at abt 6am for e 2nd day..slept damn little..got damn pissed off with daniel..kept buggin the hosts for food and drinks..was reflected in friday mrng's team briefing..2nd day got off well..participants were sleepy..not surprised..evrything led to the night's reconciliation night..matthew's talk was pretty good..saw how jere broke down..really died inside..knwing that nothing i'd say or do would help him one bit at that time.. went back to raymond's hse again..this time with he comin home too cos his family went overseas..stayed up with him writin pelancas for the participants..went to slp at 3..woke up at 5.45..reached church at 6.30..talks given were pretty amusing..especially the one by sandra..hehe..

wednesday morning crazy i'd say..got up at 6.45 and was at serangoon mrt by 7.20 waiting for floorball people to arrive so i could take them to mount vernon area for a floorball demo at win-god-knows-what..some international students residence....so anyhow..played floorball since 8.30am till the end of the friendly match in school at about 7.30pm..won smu (tts s'pore management uni) 4-1..1 goal in the 1st and 2nd period and 2 in the 3rd killed them off..assisted on one or two..cant rem..i only know i'm a hero to a couple of people..brought down (possibly) the biggest/fattest fella in the smu team.he'll henceforth be called "fat-bastard"...so anyhows..will never forget what wanyi said after i brought him down man...and somehow it seems like i'm e only guy she's said this so far.. (sounds insignificant..but hey..means alot to me man!)..all she said was "jason..jia you wor" aka..add oil..aka i have no idea how to explain in english..but i know i gave my everything after that..running down plays and doin alot of what ice hockey would call "forechecking"..but anyhows..i'll prob be dreamin of wanyi and hanni tonight.dun ask me why..attended sherman's concert at orchard..pretty good..save for the sound system that was quite sad..

promised to talk about antioch camp...so here's about the 1st day..admin on that day was pretty smooth i think..got the whiteboard with the share groups and all the info up pretty quickly..registration counter was up and running damn fast..so basically my admin side was pretty efficient...day one was good...my talk i guess..affected alot of people..afterall..i made a public apology to giles..and quite a few people were tearin (at least)..myself included..was thinkin to myself though.. "i'm not supposed to cry not..i'm supposed to cry at recon night"..was put in a sleep group with problematic kid daniel.steph's bf alvin.giles and dexter..pretty good..slept at raymond's house..had greenbean soup as a supplementary supper..

feeling all drained now..floorball..church..just glad that this week is a sort of buffer week before i'm back to hectic week after christmas..hopefully i'll be confirmed as a IVP member soon..i think i really justified my position today as a floating forward.. -dream dream dream.wanyi.hanni.wanyi.hanni- shit! -geraldine geraldine- -sigh- my mind's a cloud

tuesday morning long day it's been..got home at abt 11.55 from church..overshot while taking e train..fell asleep thats why..anyways..sunday was great..did a bit of shopping..bought fifa2004 for my xbox..met hanni in the evening for dinner and movie..and my God..she is so damn bloody sweet! she's so g**-damn lovable..u cant help but just love her.wahaha.oh wells..had a great time just eating pasta mania and watchin Crazy First Love with her..oh wells..lookin forward to goin out with her soon.. -beams- anyhows..the show was good..first hour was hilarious..e last 40 or so minutes was heartbreaking..but overall a very good show to watch..will talk abt antioch camp in tonight's entry..i promise :)

saturday antioch camp was great.it was better than expected.for me at least.had 20 odd participants..well.i guess at least our hard work didnt go to waste.found matthew's sharing during reconciliation night very enriching spiritually and emotionally.camp overall was pretty good.had the pleasure of meeting a certain samantha cheong..very sweet and quite bubbly..so anyways..the group that i was in-charge of had 5 of us.i guess it was just nice.am thankful for my group actually.got to give cornell and nick an experience in leading a share group as well as sayin a prayer for everyone.something that cornell isnt very comfortable with.giving credit where credit is due.the following people must be commended:

victor- music ministry guitarist.for really giving his all for the camp.will be a big miss when he goes to NS coming january.played till he almost collasped from exhaustion this afternoon

clarence and raymond- the two team leaders who bravely led us through a tough year where many of the members werent around due to the N and O levels

giles- for really being a good friend.someone who's a real role-model for me to follow.i cant find enough words to thank him for everything he's done.and i can never apologise enough for the times where i betrayed his trust.i guess apologising to him during my talk was as best as i could have done

jeremiah- for being a real "brother" to me.was really taken aback when i saw how he broke down after matthew's sharing.i couldnt find the words to comfort him and i still feel pretty bad about it

joanne.gracie.sandra- for being leaders in p&w songs as well as the games.for keeping their cool when we failed to respond at times

jeanne and marion- for making Recon Nite a night to remember.for choosing the songs that really struck home.marion especially for giving me the chance to work wonders for the participants through my laptop

cornell and nick- for really helping me out in the share group

stephanie- for really helping me out on day one during registration time.was really tired out working through the night with giles on the Recon Nite slides

i'll never finish writing all the thanks to all the people who really made the camp a success.though the numbers are small.i guess it's exceeded expectations of a few people.giles and i included.but really.i'll agree with what giles said as we walked towards buona vista mrt.that is disagreeing with the phrase "you sow what you reap".i guess with all the hardwork we've put in over the year.the number that turned up was abit of a disappointment.i guess its the publicity.or rather the lack of it..

i think over the next few entries i'll be talking alot about antioch camp '03..how i've grown spiritually and all that. -shrugs- i'm just thankful that the camp happened.thankful for all the participants and the team.thankful for all the talkgivers.for sharing deeply and truthfully.and basically for everything and everyone that God has given me. =)

tuesday morning hmm..how fast a week can past so fast..camp's on thurs and the number of participants dont justify what we've done for the past year in preparation for it..left leg has a blue-black..right leg has a huge lump.cos of some lousy sportsmanship by a certain senior..anyhws..did shoppin for camp..$30 so far..bought myself a book too..and oh..got my long awaited england jersey..the reversible one..put scholes' name on it.. hai.i'm hungry man..

monday morning really didnt know what to write for an entry but i guess i'll just write whatever comes to mind.had a fantastic time in church today.can really feel the core team gelling with each other.albeit abit too late for anyone's liking.i guess like what andrew said.many of them left for the N and O levels.and that really left a big hole for the few remaining ones to cover.we've got things to do but just lack the manpower.the active ones are feeling the burn-out.marion the most obvious one.i feel strongly that the reason why we lack people is simply because we fail to retain the bulk of participants.funnily enough.we had a question that really asked how we could reach out to others.how we could be actively involved.but again.its the lack of manpower that really stops us from doin alot.holiday retreats for catholic schools is plausible.yet the stopping factor is the lack of time.january to march we're tied down with the youth campaign for the poor.march hols are spent preparin for the june pre-confirmation camp..june passes pretty fast then we're in october/november period.exams.some would be takin their Os.next year the present TLs will be takin their As..so again the more active members will be drawn away.and just after the exams.we've to plan for the antioch camp in december..talked to giles on the way from church to the mrt station..and after thinking about it for the past couple of weeks.i thnk i'm ready to take over as TL if i'm given the responsibility.i suppose an injection of ideas is needed and a change in "format" would bring some much needed freshness to meetings and camps that can otherwise be quite routine.a part of me wants to step up and say "i want to do it" yet a part says "do if given the job.if not shut up".i dunno..but i'll be more than happy to accept if i do get it. -shrugs- past 2 days have given me alot to think about.and its just too much and unorganised to write it all out formally..so it'll be bits and pieces everytime