Timmy Thomas - Dying Inside (To Hold You)

it started out just another day
i took a shower and i went on my way
i stopped there as usual
had my coffee and pie
when i turned to leave
i couldn't believe my eyes

standing there i didn't know what to say
without one touch
we stood there face to face

and i was dying indside to hold you
i couldn't believe what i felt for you
dying inside i was dying inside
but i couldn't bring myself to touch you

you said hello then u asked my name
i didn't know if i should go all the way
inside i felt my life had really been changed
i knew that it would never be the same

standing there i didn't know what to say
first time looked away when i whispered your name

and i was dying indside to hold you
i couldn't believe what i felt for you
dying inside i was dying inside
but i couldn't bring myself to touch you

one hello changed my life
i didn't believe in love at first sight
but you have shown me what is life
and i now i know my love (i know it's coming right)

and i was dying indside to hold you
i couldn't believe what i felt for you
dying inside i was dying inside
but i couldn't bring myself to touch you

so yeah..to continue where i left off on the england trip..

day 1:

arrived in the early afternoon i think.so lugged the luggage from heathrow airport to paddington station before walking all the way to the abbey court hotel.
room was pretty ok.was a "family suite"..doors cant open for nuts and we had to stuff alot of paper to use as door stoppers.
so went out to explore abit.took a train ride to i-cant-remember-where and had dinner and stuff.went to the london eye as well (you know? the huge ferris wheel that was a total flop? yeah.that one).the sights from the top were just amazing.tower of london.the seafront and all.wow.

day 2:

woke up grossly early to meet aunty irene uncle robert and cherise at the hotel lobby before taking the cross-country train to leigh-on-sea (where they're staying).checked in our luggages at our hotel (strawberry fields travel inn)
was a pretty nice place.quite big too.so was nice and comfy

day 3:

set the tone for what was to come.breakfast and dinner at aunty irene's place..and had to do the cooking too..so was abit put off by it (like HARLOE! i'm on HOLIDAY!)
so day was spent catching up with one another though i didnt talk much..didnt really find it interesting.so was just playing with my phone the whole time

day 4 to 6 (cant remember exact days)

went out to south-end pier with uncle robert by train while the rest took the car.was supposed to be the world's longest pier.think it was 1.5 miles..so that works out to be 2.4 (why waddaya know! the irony!)
took a rail train that was slow and rickety.took an interesting picture from the train too.it was a telescope that had a huge sign next to it that said "Talking Telescope"..fine print read "please insert 50p" (which is $1.50 for the uninitiated)
so walked the whole pier (its damn huge at the end of the pier.has a couple of restaurants and shops) had fish and chips for lunch as well as a side order of sausages and chips (was greedy + hungry)

went tower of london on day 4 i think.was a pretty good trip.saw the crown jewels (cue "again?!") and the whole works.the torture chambers.the numerous towers where many famous prisoners stayed.the place where henry V had his wives executed (beheaded really).a war museum dedicated to the army regiment that used to protect the tower of london since God knows when

went to a couple of shopping malls as well.all i can say is.for a shopping mall.they've only one frigging toilet in the basement and/or top floor.wonder what happens if an employee has diarrhoea

one of the nights was spent setting up a laptop for my aunt.got damn irritated with it.but i managed to do it after some improvisation.she really needs cable/broadband.56k sucks when you're downloading windows updates.

caught a musical too.was called "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang".was meant more for the small kids.but was nice even though i almost fell asleep during the first 20 minutes.the props were cute.small things flying around the stage.but hey! like i said.was for small kids!

day 7 to 9

day 7..well well..woke up early i think.had breakfast at you-know-where before heading to get my train tickets to take me to leicester and birmingham and back.so took a cross-country train to fenchurch station before taking the tube/underground to st pancras to get them from the national rail ticketing booth.train was to leave at 4.15pm..so went to have lunch at burger king before taking a slow walk back to the train station.hopped on and used the whole 2 hr 45 min ride to read my book.reached leicester abit late cos of some train that broke down or something..took a cab from the train station to anne's place.freeman's common houses..dropped my bag and went for dinner with her and another friend..ate lasagne (which sucked) and hot chocolate cake with ice cream..went to a bar+restaurant after that.was called mobius.pretty nice place.nt ur typical bar.the music was more of a club-kinda music.which wasnt techno (or euro-dance as they call it there) but more like jamiroquai-kinda songs.had a long island tea and well.just chilled out.watched anne fall asleep later back at her place.think she was pretty knocked-out..boy did that bring back a hell lot of memories.painful as it is.we all move on dont we? maybe not..(cue Air Supply - Out of Love)
day 8 was cool too(dad sis grandpa checked out of strawberry fields to london in the afternoon i think).got up early.had breakfast (frosties anyone?) and then went to the train station to get to birmingham..train was absolutely packed with people going to cardiff via birmingham.so we stood the whole 1hr 40min..just so happened that i was standing at the toilet door.so everytime someone had to go to the damned toilet.i had to press the open and close button cos anne and cindy were leaning on the door for support
so yeah.got to where we wanted to go.and headed straight for sealife center.wasted money there 'cause even sentosa's underwater world was 100x better..had lunch at another bar.had scampi this time.was nice and hot -yum-
took a train to bournville to visit cadbury world.met another friend there who happened to be floorball as well.so was pretty surprised
so yar.cadbury world.haha.had loads of samples to try.toured the whole factory/musuem/gift shop (though it was pretty huge.thus unworthy of the word "shop").left earlier to catch the train back to euston in london.got back at around 10pm i think.headed straight to the toilet.hah! went out to search for dinner and ended up buying kfc back

day 9

last day in london.so got up real early.had a crappy breakfast where my sis dropped a basket of bread rolls and my grandpa misunderstood what the waitress asked and thus embarassing himself (which i must add.isnt exactly the first time in the whole trip)
checked out and left the luggage at the hotel before getting out to move around london.had chinese lunch at some restaurant that we went to back in '92 (which was my first time overseas).had beef kway tiao.found the 2nd roman catholic church in the whole of frigging london (which was across the road).took a train to arsenal.and yes.visited highbury before taking a long train ride back to the hotel to collect the luggage and walking to paddington station
managed to check in the luggage at the train station.so yeah.didnt have to lug the damn thing all the way from heathrow train station to the damned check in counter.took the 10pm flight (SQ 321) before arriving back home at 7pm.. whee~

shopping trips:
primark (which sells damn cheap and good shirts) during the week and bought a pair of boardshorts 2 shirts and a tshirt..

marks & spencers.bought 2 vodka sets (5 flavors and shotglasses.one was for sean.he's supposed to pay me back!)

jd sports.2 england jerseys (one for giles) and a west ham one.wanted leeds though.but didnt have my size.grr

tower of london.a cross and a shotglass (for sean)

some souvenier shop called clinton's cards.white teddy bear (for clare).a normal teddy bear for my grandma back home

cadbury world.loads of chocolates.hah! tshirt for my sis.some old cadbury design metal plate thing for my dad and a beannie for my mum

oxford street.well.my sis did most of her shopping her.wasnt around when she did it though.ladada

oohh..semester results are in..




MODULE GRADE ATTEMPT REMARKS
---------------------------------------- ------ -------- ----------
MULTIMEDIA AUTHORING D+ 1

BUSINESS INFORMATION SYSTEMS B+ 1

EVENT-DRIVEN PROGRAMMING B+ 1

OPERATING SYSTEMS AD 1

PROBLEM SOLVING AND PROGRAMMING II C 1

ORAL COMMUNICATION AD 1

INDIVIDUAL AND THE COMMUNITY C+ 1

SPORTS AND WELLNESS PX 1

tuesday morning ahh..the familarity of it all..my laptop.mp3s.my bed.espn and my friends..so yups..been away for almost 2 weeks in england on a short trip with my dad sis and grandpa..

we stayed at a hotel near my aunt's place and the weather was pretty nice.a comforting 10-13 degrees.didnt need to cover myself up.so i was basically in tshirt and jeans throughtout the trip.did quite a bit of shopping and got my patience stretched to the limit.having to tolerate my grandpa's eccentric mannerism as well as having to put up with a cousin who doesnt act her age for 99% of the time..

got kinda stuck at my aunt's place for breakfast and dinner just about everyday so my sister dad and i were getting abit frustrated.and to add salt to the wound.we had to do the cooking and clearing up as well..which suited me fine.but hey.i didnt travel all the way to england to do chores.had to help set up the laptop that my dad gave to my aunt as well.was pretty ok till it came to downloading the windows updates.man.thank God for broadband..took me a full 2 hours to download and install 16 updates..got pretty pissed off with the laptop too.it kept getting the Blaster Worm thing.. grr..

--end of part 1.am too tired to continue--

friday morning came home around 11.30pm..was out with t13 people to celebrate jason ong's bday..so met up and went to plaza sing to catch Troy..was a pretty good show..though my leg was aching due to lack of space..so the show ended around 9.45pm..went down to pasta mania to find clare..we waited at maccafe for her..so had a drink..talked abit before sendin her to the mrt and taking a cab home..

anyways..sis is watching fucking cartoons.pissing me off bad cos she chased me off my xbox.. GRRR..

catch u all on the 24th..tata!

wednesday got up around 11..though i was sms-ing clare and some floorball people half-asleep at 8 or 9 something..so my replies were that of a very drowsy person..anyway..had pizza for lunch with my sis and her boyfriend and my grandma..$49.80..split the cost with my sis..then went to school to meet weiren before heading to uwc for my floorball match..boy oh boy..i really lost count on the number of goals we scored (5 or 6 in the first period..duno how many more in the second and third periods)..had 3 or 4 goals to my name..despite that.i think i'm abit rusty..my ball control was horrible a few times..girls won 10-5..ours was something like 10-1? yeah.the 1 goal came from an own goal by my captain (haha!) am dead beat now..blah =\

tuesday night + wednesday morning got up at 7 and went to school for the intermediate laptop troubleshooting course..learnt something new..which is how to bloody find registry files that arent supposed to be there (like those spyware shit)..not that i dont already know how.i'm just not sure which ones to remove.so yar.anyway..went to SIM for lunch with 3 senior buddies and shank.left for town after that with jeremy in a cab.stopped at wisma atria.and i must say.i was pretty impressed with the cab driver.firstly.he's the first caucasian cab driver i've ever seen in singapore.secondly.he was pretty nice.so yeah.went to fila and got myself a wristband then walked to orchard mrt to meet clare..

and so she came at 1.15..and we went for lunch at far east..had chicken rice ($10) before walking around abit and ending up at wheelock place.wanted to go to Big O for dessert but figured we'd wait till 3pm for the one-for-one offer.so we went to wisma (where we met jacq..another friend whom i've not seen since God-knows-when) and taka..walked around kinokuniya.all the while just talking and catching up..went back at 3..and we had mud pie and plain water (haha!) and we just talked till about 4 plus..we decided to catch a movie at cine though we didnt know what we wanted to watch.ended up watching Winning a Date with Tad Hamilton..was a pretty nice show..one that guys should bring their girlfriends to.and well.we sat pretty close to each other (as in.we were leaning quite close) and it seemed pretty weird..but hey.she's attached now and she's happy..so that's cool -three cheers!- was just thinking about how and why i ended up liking her for a while back in sec 3 or 4? haha.yeah.almost made it but nothing came up in the end but that's all in the past.so i guess we're more like good friends.for now.haha.well.at least for today..so yar.she wanted kopitiam food.so took her down to serangoon gardens.and we talked till almost 11.15pm..the time being so late.we took a cab.so dropped her off at her place (AMK Ave 5) before heading home.total fare: $12.40..

i guess after this 2 or 3 years.we've both changed quite abit (or maybe not -shrugs-).she's still just as sweet.just as fun to be with.just as cool to talk to.and really.it was great fun today.seeing her smile again.cracking up at my jokes and how we know each others' friends and all that.it just felt good to catch up with her after all this while.. =) so she's waiting to go into NUS Law Fac. or NTU Mass Comm...whichever way it is..wish her all the best and good luck with her postings..heh :P

--

so yeah! leaving for london on friday.pretty excited about it.can't wait to meet up with anne (if possible) and/or samamtha mellot (who hails from england by the way)..hoping to be able to see at least one or two football stadiums in london (stamford bridge? highbury?)..got a floorball match at uwc later on today..hope we'll do well..we're severely lacking in match fitness and all that..so yeah..wasted clare couldnt come to see though she kinda wanted to (i think..since her sis plays floorball for NTU) oh wells.. =)

monday morning i hate farewells.i just hate it.i hate to admit that for the next 3.5 months.one of my best friends ever wont be around.so right about now.anne should be on her way to england for her overseas attachment.damnit man.LSCT has it good eh? so a few of the #go.fly.a.kite bunch went down (constituted of mel.sookie.ck.wenhan.terry her bf and myself).figured it was kinda obvious that anne mel and terry were all trying not to cry.guess i was trying not to cry too.suddenly msn isnt what it seems anymore.no more rantings and whinings.boy oh boy.where's anne when you want to talk to her too..haha..so we were all teasing terry.that it's ok for him to cry etc etc..haha..let him kicked my ass too in fifa (played on our ngage fones)..so i'll be leaving for london too on friday..hopefully i'll get to meet up with her..take some photos and come back after a week only to leave for japan two/three weeks later.haha! so fast forward to now.am wondering how're alot of friends doing.talked abit to dyls the other day.think she's doing fine in hcjc.brian and nick..having fun in nyp i suppose.marilyn.hah.that green monster of a girl.she's doing wayyyy fine..which is cool.. ;) julian's going for a 7-day mission..think he's doing quite alright for his OCS..terrence is gonna get his sergent rank by the end of this week.passing out of SISPEC on saturday i think..hoping i can meet clare on tuesday for a drink or something..

saturday morning woohoo! holidays! so here's how my exams went:

day 1 - EVP
was pretty ok.not as easy as i'd expected.but i'll do fine.not a pretty grade but maybe a B or B+

day 2 - BIS
wrote as much as i wrote for my O-levels history paper i think (ie. two pages per question).wasted 20-30 min redoing questions 1 and 2 cos i realised i rushed through them and my answers were quite crappy..pop goes my A+..but i wont settle for anything less than B+

day 3 - PSP2
ok.now.this was the BIGGEST surprise of the semester.i thought it'd kill me and was aiming for a C+.but i think it would be reasonable to try for a B? oh wells.i'm just keeping my fingers crossed

day 4 - MMA
this paper? hah! went slightly better than expected but i'm not placing any bets on myself getting anything better than a C+ for this.didnt want to bother too much about this paper

day 5 - OS
was really looking forward to this paper for two reasons: it meant the end of my exams was very near and because i'm virtually guranteed at least a B+ just relying on my common test and practical test (scored 57/60 in total).so all i had to do was pass the paper and i'd get myself a B+.anything more than that is expected? haha!

--

so went out with t13 people to celebrate jingxi's bday after taking photos with my class people.it kinda hit me in the bus when i realised how little interaction i've had with mildred.she's leaving our class for school of business.not sure what course she's gonna take.but wish her all the best.went to plaza sing. for dinner and boy did i almost have a heart attack.met clare.she was the cashier.haha! apparently she's waiting to get into uni.but anyhow's.we were both lost for words.hah.couldnt remember her name till after i sat eating my pasta.but oh wells.she looks just as sweet as before.hah! and like before.still didnt dare ask for her number.pretty stupid eh? eventually got it.but shant say how.quite silly..so anyhows.yeah.lately been meeting old friends.quite cool =)

sunday night.wedding recap and thoughts alister and carrie got married.it was quite an experience.being involved with the planning and having to arrange the multimedia stuff for them.well.it wasnt really much but every little bit adds up to something bigger.and so mass got underway at 1030..joined the choir since i wasnt needed on drums (thankfully).the sermon/homily given by Fr. Anthoney was really meaningful.how a couple is joined in the presence of God.a unity that God made, men cannot divide.how in holy matrimony new life can be found both spiritually and physically.went to the hall for a reception cum lunch.wasnt really the best of caterers that was hired so a few of us got down to helping arrange the hall (before mass that is) as well as cleaning the place up.then came the dinner in the evening.rushed down with giles from clementi to orchard parade hotel (that's where reds cafe is).set up my laptop and the $2000+ projector that carrie borrowed from her company (DelMonte Asia).the cable wasnt working so we had to make-do.well.the dinner started and the first montage was shown repeatedly until the guests settled down.then came the first march-in.the champange pouring and all the usual stuff that you'd normally do.went to show the second montage.the one which shows pictures of alister and carrie from when they were babies to when they were dating and after they were engaged.then came the second march-in and the rest of the dinner (which includes the usual 'yam-seng' session and photo taking).so when most of the guests had already left.the antiochers gathered at the reception area outside the ballroom and recorded a video for the newly-weds.eileen was fighting back tears not because her friends of almost 20 years were finally married but because they were migrating to australia (alister works in melbourne you see..) and thus we'd all would see them very rarely.giles and i thanked them for everything.especially alister.for all the fun we had playing CS and Command & Conquer.it was hard saying goodbye to two good friends yet at the same time being happy for them.when we left the hotel.marion giles sam clarence and myself walked in silence.perhaps we've all come to recognise that things have changed.that two people who've made an impact on the antioch community are slowly but surely fading away.sure.there's email msn and icq.but it'll not be as fun as poking fun at each other.we wont be able to meet up in town for dinner or go to tanglin halt for food after prayer meetings.walking in silence really got me thinking.perhaps i'm looking to hard to find the one true love.perhaps i'm not even supposed to find one because i'm slated to serve God.i don't know.in His time His will be done and not mine.but i cant help thinking.i've been so close and yet it's been so far.but like what joyce said "i returned home with my heart smiling... thinking that perhaps love is indeed actually all around" ...perhaps i'll meet her one day.perhaps i've already met her and not known it.perhaps...

--

Our Lady Peace - Somewhere Out There

Last time I talked to you
You were lonely and out of place
You were looking down on me
Lost out in space
We laid underneath the stars
Strung out and feeling brave
I watched the red orange glow
I watched you float away
Down here in the atmosphere
Garbage and city lights
You've gone to save your tired soul
You've gone to save our lives
I turned on the radio
To find you on satellite
I’m waiting for this sky to fall
I’m waiting for a sign
All we are
Is all so far

You're falling back to me
You're a star that I can see
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there
You're falling out of reach
Defying gravity
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there
Hope you remember me
When you're home sick
and need a change
I miss your purple hair
I miss the way you taste
I know you'll come back someday
On a bed of nails I’ll wait
I’m praying that you don’t burn out
Or fade away
All we are
Is all so far

You're falling back to me
You're a star that I can see
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there
You're falling out of reach
Defying gravity
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there
You're falling back to me
You're a star that I can see
I know you're out there
You're falling out of reach
Defying gravity
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there
You're falling back to me
You're a star that I can see
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there
You're falling out of reach
Defying gravity
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there
You're falling back to me
I know
I know
You're falling out of reach
I know

--

marilyn- for what it's worth? i really miss those times and i've done well haven't i? since our little outing to watch that korean show (tale of two sisters was it?).you probably wont understand what i just said but no matter :)

alister- i know you probably wont read this.but i'll write this anyway.for all the times we played CS.for you putting up with giles and i kicking your butt.for you and victor kicking our butts.for all the thrash we talked about and all the times you've listened to my problems.thanks alot.best wishes to you and carrie.you two really look great together.and yes.i agree that long distance relationships are hard.have seen many come and gone.so i'm glad that yours worked out.so now.on behalf of antioch.best wishes and God bless.see ya both on christmas?

--

i wanna skydive.i wanna do it and i wanna do it before i enlist.i know i'll face resistance from my parents.costs and calculated risks aside.it's something i really want to do in this lifetime apart from bungee jumping and flying an airplane.everything in life has risks dont they? so i dont really see why i shouldnt give it a try.anyway.to get a license.i need to do at least 9 jumps.5 with instructors and/or jumpmasters and 4 solos.alternatively i might go for the accelerated course.10 jumps.whatever it is.i have to have my parents agree.despite the fact i'm 19 this year.there're certain things that my parents will certainly object (i mean.i think that my dad's still against me trying for pilot in the air force but he's kinda keeping quiet about it because he knows it's a dream i've had since i was 6.my obsession with planes and my desire to fly a fighter plane..)

sunday morning tired.sleepy.blerguh.wedding was good.sherman came so i didnt have to play the drums -phew- so yeah.things went pretty well.sam ng.sherman and clarence came my place after the reception.got james to send us in his bus.hah! went to sam's house before heading to clementi mrt to meet giles.took a cab down to orchard parade.wedding dinner was almost screwed up because the 30ft cable to connect my laptop to the sound system was spoilt sometime during the week.so compromised abit and played songs from the cd instead of my laptop even though the montages were still done from my laptop.jeanne came today.so had lots of thoughts running through my head.how we were so close and somehow things screwed up somewhere.but that's always the case with me aint it? jeanne.marilyn.wanyi then sarah.-shakes head in disappointment- but dinner was good.did my part well.so did giles.pretty happy.felt abit odd though.had to keep teaching jeanne how to eat at a casual-formal chinese dinner cause she's never eaten at a chinese restaurant in her entire life.anyways.am totally burnt.need to catch up on my sleep.recharge before i wake up and study BIS.got 3 more chapters to go..

Good Charlotte - Hold On

This world
This world is cold
But you don't
You don't have to go
You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely, and no one seems to care
You're mother's gone and your father hits you
This pain you cannot bear


But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through


Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know


Your days
You say they're way too long
And your nights
You can't sleep at all
Hold on
And you're not sure what you're waiting for, but you don't want to no more
And you're not sure what you're looking for, but you don't want to no more


But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through


Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on


What are you looking for?
What are you waiting for?
Do you know what you're doing to me?
Go ahead...What are you waiting for?


Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Hold on

saturday morning hoho! met another "lost" friend today.see.was waiting at cjc for the bus to come to take me to queensway before changing to another bus to get to cmpb.so met kelly mendez (think thats her surname la).so we were smiling at each other but somehow her name escaped my head until she sms-ed.so yeah.real cool huh? so yeah.got my passport extended for a year and headed back to school for my evp exam.think it went pretty well.should hope to get a B or B+ if i'm lucky.hah! went to town.got a haircut.got a new style too.semi-mohawk.hah.so now i've gotta get used to wax/clay on my hair.either that i'll make do with heavy "dosages" of gel..sigh.bad for my hair AND scalp.watched starsky & hutch too.and i swear.it's a MUST watch for anyone.funny as hell.watch out for the original starsky & hutch duo at the end.note the same clothes they're wearing as owen wilson and ben stiller