backstabbings.

monday well. title says it all. am having mixed feelings. upset? definitely. angry? that's a given. yet there really isn't much that i can do. salvage the friendships? i'm having second thoughts about it. what pisses me off the most is that both of them go on as if nothing has happened when clearly there has been changes. i've been tolerating the blatant lies and for that many years of friendship, this blow is especially hard to take. and as terence puts it bluntly: "if they aren't apologetic about it, fuck them. there are better friends to turn to. bigger things to worry about."

how true that all seems now.

irks.

sunday been in a very irritable and bitchy (wow. i amaze myself sometimes by being a real bitch) mood since yesterday. and i've said so many times before, the taiwanese people certainly are putting me through a serious test of my patience and tolerance. even at home, i'm being tested constantly. so yeah. a list of things that tick me off. just so you know.

1. people who walk into other people, on purpose or otherwise - i'm pretty sure 160 degrees of peripheral vision is sufficient for anyone to see that another person is walking in your direction.

2. chewing with your mouth open - com'on. what ever happened to table manners? i hate that squishing sound or whatever it is. it's just plain irritating. is it so difficult to chew with your mouth closed?

3. smoking at the table - ok. i can tolerate smokers. but i hate it when they start smoking with food on the table. thank God for the ban on smoking at coffee shops and all.

4. barging into people from the back - refer to point 1.

5. belching in my face - who likes it anyway? more so after food. damn.

6. guys who can't aim their little water hoses - need i draw a target in the toilet bowl or urinal that says "aim here!"?

7. leaning on handrails and poles in the mrt and bus - hello? i need to hold on to something to you know?

8. ignorant people who blatantly "forget" to say sorry for stepping on your foot or hitting you with their shopping bags/handbag/umbrella/whatever - give me that plain ignorant stare twice and i'll smack you. if i'm in a very foul mood.

9. people who beat around the bush - come straight to the point please. no need for 100 words when all you need is 10.

10. cranking up the volume - erm. deaf? hello? a little consideration please. i can't even here the damn tv in the living room with you blasting your techno/trance thrash in the room.

11. repeating the same song over and over - even the nicest of songs can get boring after a while. and refer to point 10 for a certain few people.

12. unless it's an emergency or you're someone whom i really care for about, don't call me up at 3am and expect me to talk to you nicely like it's 3pm.

13. people who hog the internet bandwidth - there are 8 people in the same house, if you're constantly downloading shit and then the internet dies, go screw yourself if you want to come out to the living room and start cursing and swearing.

14. cursing and swearing - must every sentence be punctuated with vulgarities? yeah i do it too. but only when i'm frustrated.

15. lack of initiative - i don't have to do everything for you do i? i do it out of goodwill so don't push your luck. don't expect to have the pots and pans and dishes washed up after you.

16. taxi drivers who complain about the trip being too short - i don't give a crap that you've waited 1 hour or 1 day. the fact that i'm in your taxi means you're earning my money.

17. lousy customer service - i'm paying for what again? oh right. you to show me a sulky face. you to spill my drink all around and then drop my plate on the table. 10% service charge my ass.

18. mozzies that just won't die - i've zapped you, i've smacked you. damnit. stay dead already! (applicable only in taiwan, india and in some parts of singapore)

19. people who kick the seat in a cinema - need i say more? we've all been through it

20. people talking during the movie - ok. i hate it when people comment on just about everything during a movie. like "eee! why he die like that?!" or "oh man. did you see that dude do this?" you get my point.

21. borrowing without permission - that equates to stealing. so do ask. i'll almost always say yes anyway.

22. point 21. then returning it to me spoilt - don't give me the "oops sorry" face or the "it was spoilt before i took it" reason. just admit it and we can all move along.

23. automated phone recordings - it's plain annoying.

24. lying - white lie, black lie, pink yellow blue or purple. it's still a lie. i spot them easily. i may play along at times but if it's something serious, you're in for a not-so-very-happy conclusion

25. very bad dressing - sloppy dressing is plain well, sloppy. dressing like you're some japanese doll-girl is plain disgusting especially if you're in singapore.

with that. i think i've let off enough steam today. am looking forward to this very interesting week. or so i hope it will be. got monthly reports to complete and the start of a new month to look forward to.

perpetual high.

saturday morning week's passed by pretty fast. so here i am in the midst of everything around me. on one hand getting very little job satisfaction and on the other, trying to enjoy life here as it is. to be fair, it really isn't much of a problem adjusting to life here. it's the physical distance away from things that matter that is causing so much worries.

in any case, family's trip up to taiwan is coming in less than 2 weeks. managed to be done with my duties for that whole period they're around. hoping to follow them up to kenting, taichung. might just be the tour guide for them in kaoshiung too. hah!

so anyway, weekend's burnt. got work at the airport to handle on sunday which means i won't be going roller-blading/hockey-ing. which would also mean, i'm not able to meet jingyi. and fine. i'm looking forward to roller-blading just to meet up with her. but! that's just the bonus because i've been itching to try roller-hockey for so long, to be able to finally do it without much restrictions is one sport of my long list of things to try (i can see and sense many apprehensive looks).

i foresee a very boring weekend with me in front of the laptop/tv and just bumming away my saturday. i foresee breakfast being banana nut crunch, lunch being rice with chicken curry (homemade!) and dinner being whatever my house-mates are going to cook/buy. how entertaining.

home flight's more or less done. have already blocked off the period which i'm going back. i just need to decide which flight am i going to take. jetstar or singapore airlines? am of course very tempted for the latter but purely because of costs issues, i think the former would be a logical choice.

am looking forward to meeting up with chinx, shuren, jolene, ivan, bertrand, james, grace and leonard during that short window. i'm not even sure why i'm going back anymore. really. apart from my sister's birthday, shuren and jennifer's commissioning, there really isn't much to look forward to. sure. i've had another reason why i wanted to go back. but with all that has happened and transpired thus far, i don't know if it's even a good idea anymore. heartbreaking definitely but like i've said so many times, logical over emotional. the very fact is things have changed. it's no longer like how it was before. the silence. unbearable. for me at least. i'm almost sure it's only me that's feeling that way. i'm also pretty sure that somethings that have happened are my fault and that they are probably irreversible but what's a person to do when he's tried his best to make up for it only to face a stone wall and cold silence?

gone are the words that have meant so much yet feel so empty now. gone are the days where everything felt so right. gone. and here i am, stuck in a moment. stuck in those moments..

horses.

tuesday i just read a blog post that's basically a collection of NS stories from all over. and i was quite irritated with some of the comments people made. [read it here]

basically here's my take on things. at least from my point of view. we are all familiar with the term "white horse". we use it freely when talking about national service. about how so-and-so's parent or relative is a somebody somewhere. how so-and-so will get preferential treatment and all the works.

now. many would have classified me as a white horse because my dad is a LTC in the army. but what does that mean to me? more importantly, what does it mean and how does it affect my national service? it meant absolutely nothing simply because i am not my dad. i am who i am and i worked my ass off to qualify for command school. getting into SISPEC and OCS is not a given. it sure isn't definite so understandably i was pretty pissed off when people were talking about me getting in because of my dad.

let me set things straight here first. only sometime after the start of BMT did people realise who my dad was. even then, it was accidental that they found out because one of my section commanders had read through my CV and asked me about it. it was even more obvious during the Passing Out Parade when my parents came - why i shall not say. but throughout BMT i was who i was. training as hard as i could, pushing myself and my friends along, trying to get the best out of ourselves for Mohawk Coy.

i firmly believe in fairness. who gives a crap that you're somebody's son or daughter? does it then mean that you're immune from punishments? immune from duties and whatever else that we have to go through as recruits, trainees or officer cadets? sure. i will admit to having it a bit easier when people found out who i was but only because the are more wary about crossing the fine line between tough training and abusing of rank (that can lead to mistreatment etc). when i left Tekong for the last time, i shook each of my instructors hands firmly and said words of thanks for training me and treating me fairly. i wasn't given any special privilege nor was i treated like some sort of "must-look after" recruit.

on the contrary, i got it harder than the rest. i half-expected some of my instructors to push me as far as i could simply because they knew who i was. whether in fairness or not i didn't bother and i still don't. i took it more of a challenge to prove to them what i was capable of and i'm confident i proved myself. the more sheltered ones will tend to feel that they're being picked on and crack under the pressure. i took it in my stride, grit my teeth and pushed myself further and harder like never before. i will attest to having done the most push-ups in my life when i was platoon I/Cs for those 8 days. i lost count at 1217. i remember because i wrote down in my little journal how many i did everyday. i decided to stop counting after the 5th day.

what pissed me off though, was the very fact that for most of the 1000-over times i "talked to the floor", i didn't really deserve it. it reached a point where my fellow platoon I/Cs spoke to the CSM on my behalf. only then did the unnecessary punishments stopped. but it made me a stronger person. no doubt about it. physically and mentally.

the truth is, the whole idea or concept if you will, about white horses has been so contorted and misconstrued that people now misunderstand what it all means. in short. a white horse is someone who basically has relations to someone with a high enough rank or in a high enough position. and people tend to behave themselves more when in the presence of "white horses" because they realise the repercussions should they play punk. nothing more than that. then there are also those who hope to curry favour. how they go about it is up to anyone's imagination. but let it be said, i've had a friend in my company who's dad was a LTC and my poly buddy shaun who's dad is also a LTC. we never had it going easy. trainings were as tough. punishments were meted out when we deserved it and we all got through it without much fanfare and very nearly no complaints.

perhaps the only thing i'm guilty of is living in my father's shadow. always trying to push myself to get to where he was. it's no secret that i've always wanted to sign on and hoping to emulate him someday. events conspired against that so i've got to live as best as i can and serve to the best of my abilities. being downgraded was a big blow for me. never in my life did i think i would be in the service vocation. i dare say it then and i dare say it now, put me back into combat. that's where i'm most effective. that's where i feel at home. not in the confines of an office cubicle. not without my rifle, SBO and fieldpack. just don't ask me to dig shellscrapes and trenches. i absolutely hate those. hah!

so in reference to one of those who commented. minimum rank of a LTC to be considered a white horse? hah! i'll laugh in his face and walk away. not because of arrogance but because of his ignorance. for having misguided thoughts. then again. i'll do that to anyone who tells me i'm a white horse.

body fats. or the lack thereof.

sunday morning had some measurements taken at the gym today as part of some regime that the trainer has put me on. so here's how it all stands:

167cm - 57kg - 17% body fat - bmi 19

ran 10km on the treadmill. was more mentally challenging than physically. manged to do it in 37 minutes plus. but given the nature of running on a treadmill, it's hard to focus unless you're plugged in with your mp3 player or something. i was just staring out the window on the 4th floor and looking at the people below, occasionally stealing a glance at this caucasian who was 2 treadmills away.

am surprised i actually put on about 7kg since i'm here. but as proven. they're not fats. so yeah. thank God for high metabolism. but like terrence said. the hard part is keeping it there...

been talking a lot recently to my friends from 3 sib via email. pretty nice to hear from them and knowing that they're all well and good. unfortunately when i'm back there next april (or may), all of them would have already ord-ed and i'll be looking at fresh faces apart from cpt alan, chief clerk and ma'am wati.

oh. hitting 2 months here. and i must say, i'm shocked that i'm listening to and enjoying chinese songs. i'm pretty confident that my chinese has improved but how much i'm not exactly sure. i guess i'm feeling more confident speaking the language now than i was before considering how much i hated chinese. my only fear now is how badly my english is now. i think it's still pretty good but i'm not satisfied. need to find a way to get back to pre-poly days. when i was at a peak of sorts.


paintball and airguns. it's a shame that there really isn't much of the former and none of the latter. i guess it's understandable especially given recent events in the states about guns and all that. how about the numerous incidents where kids were shot by police for pointing an airgun at them? so i say, thank God for gun-control laws in singapore.

paintballs. hah. my first time with them was in poly, taking part in some army recruitment event. won 2nd (or should that be lost 1st?) and got hooked. problem is, it costs a lot in singapore so i never really got down to it. then can platoon field ambush in sispec. paintball-loaded m16s. what a thrill i tell you.


anyhow. this post is full of nothing if you've realised. so here's something. another 10 things from movies that you can learn.

1. black and asian guys almost always die first. the white guy dies last (if ever)

2. your hair always stays in place no matter how much physical activities you have done

3. girls who are stalkers, almost always end up dead either by committing suicide, drowning or strangulation

4. james bond hasn't yet contracted AIDS or any sexually-transmitted disease

5. the underdog always wins - even though sometimes it's totally ridiculous but since we all love to see the underdog win, it doesn't really matter

6. when attempting to fire a weapon in haste, you almost always forget to thumb off the safety

7. if you're the hero of the show, you'll never get shot; if you do, it is never serious and you'll just be back with a vengeance and kill everyone (and sometimes dying after all is settled)

8. bad guys can't shoot for nuts - they'll expand all their ammunition and hit nothing but glass

9. girls who are the main villain, tend to be attractive and very much sought-after

10. no matter how badly disguised you are, you'll always manage to fool people

humanity.

thursday as defined by the oxford dictionary and www.dictionary.com:

humanity - noun - (1) the quality of being human; human nature. (2) the quality of being humane; kindness; benevolence.

what drives a person to go against all that is rational and our most primal of feelings to go on and do unto others what we would never wish to ever do. how does one get so detached from the empathy that is our semi-conscience?

its understandable how the recent shootings in virginia tech has shaken a nation and how the reverberations are slowly creeping across the world. yet how do we react to such an event when we are so far away? so distant from the actual event yet it all seems so real from all that is shown by the mass media?

for one, taiwan reacted in a way that's pretty uncommon over here - they sat up and took notice. we know how americanized taiwan is, the sports they play, the places they go for overseas studies and the multi-influences of hollywood and the media in general.

today's news was all about how a certain legislative council member reacted:

sometime during the late morning, 55 police officers rushed to national taiwan university (ntu) because of a supposed gun-totting maniac situation. even though it was supposed to be a drill of sorts (planned and conducted by him), the university's principal wasn't informed at all. thus, lots of classes got interrupted, exams were disrupted and basically it was a farce.

the legislator is unapologetic (not was because he still hasn't apologised), even going on to say "well, if i did inform the school then it wouldn't be realistic would it?". and watching the news, i must say it was pretty disgusting to see a lawmaker barge into the middle of a classroom and asking students how would they react if it was a real situation; with the students laughing and thinking it was all a waste of time. and another part where he grills a junior officer who had just arrived at the "scene", demanding to "know what's going on".

well. generally if you ask me, i'd agree with the majority that the "drill" didn't serve any purpose. it wasted precious resources (55 police officers! not to mention the number of cars and scooters the police use), disrupted students from taking their exams and even causing parents to be upset since their kids were directly affected.

so back to the question. how does one get driven to reject one's own humanity? i'm not one to provide the answers but i certainly have my own views on it. for someone to go so far and do something so drastic, one has to be pushed beyond his or her limits and i can relate to it simply because i've been there before.

back in sec 3, i was very close to throwing a classmate off the 4th floor all because he threw something which hit a chair that subsequently hit me when i was minding my own business. he being unapolegtic and even challenging me to a fight didn't help. but like i said, i was at my limit and that happened to be the one that caused me to cross the line to do something i'd never want to do again. if it wasn't for common sense, i think i would have flung him over the parapet without any second thoughts, living to regret that decision in jail and asking myself why did i do it.

it's a variety of factors that come together to push someone so far. just like how over time, stress builds up within somebody but he just cannot find an outlet of sorts to let it all out. when he finally crosses the edge, the results are often unpleasant. it's been said many times over, that the quiet people tend to be the one who become violent once they're pushed past their limits. so perhaps it's a good thing that the majority of us have at least one source of outlet to release all the pent up frustrations, the stress and the emotional baggage.

but finally, it's all philosophical isn't it? what defines humanity is not merely a dictionary, but each individual's own values and expectations. and that, is by itself another topic to talk about some other time.

It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. - Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)

conversations. part 2.

thursday morning when talking about a song that sherman and i recorded a few years back when we were playing weekend gigs at pubs..

g r a c e- its too bad friendships have expiry dates too. says:
i seee
wah
u can drum?
what type of drum?
the one drum in front of u
then u bang bang bang that type ssit
hahahahahahhahahahaha
okay
im being damn off freq.
ignore me

jase. lost in translation. says:
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
drum set dum laa
=P
live band kind
not lion dance

g r a c e- its too bad friendships have expiry dates too. says:
I KNOW LAH
HAHAHAHAHAHHA

jase. lost in translation. says:
lmao

g r a c e- its too bad friendships have expiry dates too. says:
U DAMN OFF LEH!!
u actually think im SO LOW IQ MEHHHHHHHHH
BLEAHHS

movie lessons.

20 things you learn from movies:

1. it is almost always necessary to visit a strip club (or a club in general) of some sort during any police investigation

2. you can always take cover among participants of a street parade at any time of the year, at any time of the day

3. all beds have special L-shaped comforters or covers - armpit level for women and waist level for men; applicable only when they're lying next to each other of course

4. any tom, dick, harry, jane, melissa or just about anyone not qualified can land a plane of any size, as long as there's someone to guide you

5. lipstick never fades, even when scuba diving, after a firefight or when in captivity

6. ventilation systems are a good way of getting around a building - they always seem to lead to the place that you want to go to

7. you will always have more than enough ammo to fight countless henchmen but always run out of it when the boss comes out.

8. anyone who shows a picture of their family/girlfriend in a war will almost always die

9. the eiffel tower can be seen from any window in paris

10. a man will show no pain when stabbed, shot or basically injured. he will always wince and grimace when a woman cleans his wounds

11. you do not need to look at your wallet when paying for a cab fare. just take out any note at random and it'll be the exact change

12. you can park a car directly in front of any building without fear of getting a summons nor a reprimand from anyone

13. there is always a parking space when you need one

14. no one involved in any tragic incident, natural disaster, hijacking or anything traumatizing to us, will ever go into shock

15. when involved in hand-to-hand combat against a superior number of opponents, they will queue up for their chance to take you down - they dance around in a menacing manner until you've knocked out the guy before them

16. you need only a credit card or a paper clip to pick any door lock, unless the building's on fire and there's a kid trapped behind the door

17. you always have enough ammo to reload your gun even if you haven't had any before

18. it doesn't matter that you're not military trained, you will know how to fire rocket launchers accurately with one arm

19. most laptops have near unlimited battery life

20. cellphones never run out of battery, and always gives you a "no signal" response when you need to make an urgent call.

lost in translation.

wednesday evening back from the taiwanese equivalent of calcutta. all went well, managed to catch up with a few friends from secondary school and st francis xavier too. anyway. kaoshiung has this mega-shopping mall that easily dwarfs vivocity. it's 9 levels of shopping and a pretty lousy rooftop ferris-wheel/pony-rides attraction thing that reminds me very much of how parkway parade was a long time ago. oh, the view from the top is that of the harbour. what a sight.

so as it is, the trio of friends have already left. happy memories to smile about. so it's all back to work. and more work. the opening of the financial year has seen a flood of numbers to crunch through the day. more files to clear for shredding and basically, back to how it was before the slight lull. may is not too far off and i'm very much looking forward to my family's trip up and the subsequent summer holidays: paintball matches, a home-trip and 39deg weather.

have a new hobby here to keep myself amused and entertained. i've found amusement in taking photos of signs that have been translated into english. given that they use direct translation here, the signs can be misleading and well, let's just say it's funny. and that itself is an understatement. here are some examples from the train station:

1. do not transcend the yellow line
2. yield seats to infirmed, elderly and pregnant passengers
3. hold firm the railing to prevent unwanted accidents

friends in foreign lands.

saturday morning past one week was pretty much catch-up with grace and leonard. peiling was a new friend made and well, hope they enjoyed their trip here as much as i have bringing them around. it's always fun entertaining friends but more so when you're in another country.

felt like a tourist when we went to Chiang Kai-Shek Memorial Hall. seriously. having been here for more than a month, it's one of those places that i have yet to see though it is a must of sorts. i must say the place looks very much like the JFK Memorial they have in Washington D.C.. was lucky enough to catch the changing of the guards. boy was i trying so hard not to laugh. their arms-drills were funny looking in the sense that you'd never imagine yourself doing them because they looked weird and so, very slow. ironically, the silent drills that the Military Police uses for NDP and all that, are variations of the ones that the guards were using.

anyway, they were certainly a good distraction from all the work that's piling up because of the opening of the new financial year. and i just found out that my pay for april has been delayed. so basically i'm living off my remnants from march (which i must say isn't really a lot).

went on a shopping rampage of sorts just now with leonard. ended up buying 6 different t-shirts from NET, Abercrombie & Fitch and Onizuka Tiger - all at the cost of S$120. do the math. pretty good deals in my opinion, especially for the OT ones.

had a major memory slip on thursday before i went on my off: totally forgot to bring back the airtickets that i would need for my flight later today and wednesday. so now i'll have to forget about sleeping in late and head to the office to get them. damn it.

oh, will be posting a collection of very bad english signs in taiwan soon, in my other blog. think it'll be a good laugh considering the direct translations that the people here use. heh.

so yeap. that's about it for a very long and tiring week. another one beckons and th 5 days in kaoshiung will put me in good stead to recharge and get back on track. will be getting my bike license sometime next week or the following. it's one of those good to have things. parents will flip if they know i've gotten the license. but! like i said, good to have. i hope i won't have to use it though i might be inclined to do so in australia. who knows? alright. done with the packing. done with rearranging my room. done with trying to troubleshoot this dying laptop of mine. off to bed now.

drained.

friday morning realised i've stopped counting the days. i've given up trying to keep track. in any case, lull period is just around the corner. or so i'm led to believe. there's so many loose ends to tie up i'm practically not at my desk anymore simply because i've run out of space to work in. it's getting pretty obvious that the present workload is taking its toll on us, not just me.

work didn't end on a happy note simply because one of them got so frustrated to the point he almost flipped. so there was this hoo-hah for about 30 minutes or so before we left for home. i must admit though, he did have some valid points to bring up. apparently there's a wager going on now to see how long more before i succumb to the pressure and crack like most of them do. well, i should place a bet on me not cracking at all. everyone seems to think i'm a happy, easy-going and carefree guy. well. go ahead. i'll be nasty soon enough only because there's a limit to the nonsense that i can take. and up till now, i've been very very very patient with a certain individual. and if i blow up because of him, it's going to take a lot to get me calmed down. and if you don't already know by now, i'm not the most patient of people.

will be off to kaoshiung saturday afternoon, back on wednesday afternoon. long break from all the monotonous work and the hustle and bustle of city life. sometimes a little calm and slow-going lifestyle is all it takes to get one back into the groove of things.

sleeping with the light on.

tuesday well. not exactly sleeping with the lights on, it's just the name of a song that's playing now. but i want to. sleepless nights. haven't been unable to sleep well the past couple of days. oddly enough, i can't seem to place a finger on what exactly is it that's bothering me. work seems alright, just frustrating because of all the half-done stuff that my upper-study left hanging. grace, leonard and peiling are in taipei (more about it later). started on my roller-hockey. it all seems alright.

granted, a good friend being in a coma doesn't help one bit. then of course there are matters that i would not want to talk about and others that i am not at liberty to talk about in the first place. to put it simply, one month here so far, and rarely have things been going well.

it's beginning to feel like january/february period all over. all the things crashing down at the same time. this really is a test of my mental abilities i tell you. the ability to handle stress, to be able to work and function effectively and yet somehow in the midst of it all, to be able to maintain some semblance of my sanity and composure.

on a brighter note. as mentioned, grace, leonard and peiling are in town. met them at shiling night market last night for dinner of sorts. brought them around to try the different local finger food. and grace really does love fermented tofu. like what the hell? the three of us were going "damn. that smells bad. real bad. get it away!". food food and more food. and some window shopping after that along the shops and then we headed back to ximen (kinda like our orchard road) where we headed to starbucks to chill.

and because i've been here slightly more than a month, it was assumed that i knew the place well. how wrong can that be? hah! did my best anyway. should be meeting them tomorrow night at taipei 101 and if i can take off on friday, we'll be heading down to danshui and awfully chocolate. somehow the days past so slowly these days. and i'm on duty now too. hah.

headed for kaoshiung again on saturday. probably taking the afternoon flight. back in taipei on wednesday i think. another long 'weekend' to enjoy. need the rest time considering i've been lacking any since God-knows-when.

retail therapy.

sunday morning everyone needs them. retail therapy. all folks, young and old of both gender. yes. that means you and me too. so the past 3 days have been nothing but that. as it is, i've spent a lot on food simply because none of us wanted to cook. bought myself a couple of things too:

bluetooth headset
rollerblades
pants from hangten
jacket from net
audio technica headphones

and they're in no particular order of cost or importance. anyhows, saturday was quite interesting. attended the opening of jennifer's (arland's wife) 3rd Awfully Chocolate shop. been a year since they first opened and it's fair to say that she's been more than successful. i guess having stella (the singaporean singer. if anyone knows her) as a partner and as the face of the company helps a lot. the media coverage definitely played a part.

found the only catholic church in taipei and thank God it's a 15 minute walk from residence. so it's 9.45am every sunday for english mass. and Easter mass will be my first. hopefully i can keep myself disciplined enoough to keep going as often as i can.

for now, happy Easter everyone. enjoy the chocolate eggs and all. hah! another example of how traditions of all sorts have become commercialized.

zx's tag.

friday afternoon ok. apparently zx's tag means i have to do this:

“this is what you are supposed to cut and paste if you decide to participate in the tagging game.. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things about themselves as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog.”

1. i walk really fast even if i'm not in a hurry
2. i'm left-handed but i have a right-master eye; hence diving for cover wrongly sometimes during section/platoon maneuvers
3. i stare at the ground or at the sky when i'm down
4. i get very irritable easily when i'm hungry
5. ah. hate me for this: i take very long to put on weight, takes effort really
6. hate me for this too: i lose weight very easily. hah!

tagged:

julian
ivan
jolene
zhao
chinx
gary

friday morning post-clubbing analysis [0449hrs]

jason + too much alcohol + foul mood = semi-drunk
semi-drunk + jason = feel lousy
feel lousy + jason = negative thoughts


semi-drunk + feel lousy + negative thoughts =

point is. i'm not myself. it's only the second time in my life where i've drunk till i've vomited. hot shower and hot milo helps alleviate the effects thus this non-incomprehensible post.

i'm a hypocrite when i tell people not to drink their troubles away. that's precisely what i tried to do. that's precisely what i shouldn't have done. sigh.

conversations.

tuesday i just had to post this. it absolutely made me laugh till i fell off the sofa in the living room. was talking to zhao about how i got my fracture and the stitches. read on..

zhao says:
OMG! JASE! how could you be so careless! haiyoooO!
you didn't think it was a fracture?! Didn't it hurt badly?
goodness me.
stictches removed already?

jase- stitches and fractures. says:
hahaha duno. oh well. not payin attn la. got too much to think abt. i'm a disturbed person. hahaha
nah. thought it was normal. eh. tmr afternoon remove

zhao says:
nuts nuts nuts!!! disturbed also won't be so badly disturbed mahhh...that you don't feel physical pain...siao already la you
wake up wake up!
better take good care of yourself ah!
how many stitches in all?

jase- stitches and fractures. says:
2. hahaha

zhao says:
i can't understand how you got those stitches..

jase- stitches and fractures. says:
tada!
neither can i

zhao says:
was the cut so deep?

jase- stitches and fractures. says:
.7 cm across. almost .4cm deep
so yea
guess tt qualifies?

zhao says:
crazy crazy nutcase you are! hahaha

jase- stitches and fractures. says:
haha

zhao says:
ALMOST 4cm deep?!?! OMG! that's errr...DEEEEP!

jase- stitches and fractures. says:
.4 la!
0.4

zhao says:
you're such a clown la!
hahaha
oh oh
your fingers also not 4cm thick
hahaha

jase- stitches and fractures. says:
4cm deep my finger gone leh
YAR LA!

zhao says:
otherwise chopped off already
HAHAHAHA
opps...sorry..i a bit cock-eyed already
hahaha
that was hilarious!


zhao. tell me again why i find you one of the most fun people to talk to? especially at weird hours. haha!

ambitions: aptitude v attitude

monday dreams and ambitions. we all have them. we all want to achieve that something that makes us proud of who we are, that fuels our ego and pride, that edge above the rest. how we get to it, is a whole different matter.

some of us are born with it. some are not. the more 'gifted' ones will take a shorter time to achieve a certain aim and a certain goal. the 'lesser' ones, well, they still get the end result, albeit in a longer time. a simple analogy would be this:

A has an innate ability with computers, able to make things happen real quick like cracking a network's encryption for instance, in say, 1 hour.
B doesn't have that ability but he's a hardworking fellow. willing to put in time and effort to get the same result, he probably does it in 6 hours.

the problem with society as a whole is, people who fall under the latter category (ie. the 'B-type'), hardly ever get a chance to succeed. blame it on the fast-paced life of singapore, blame it on the system itself if you will. but the little-guys need a break sometimes. even a little one would count for something. sadly, most are not given one. and few dare venture beyond what is in front of them, content to live within their comfort zone and not push themselves further.

to be fair, the situation is changing but with every change, there's always going to be inertia and objections to changes proposed/implemented. and as always, the paper chase doesn't help. however you look at it, the working world and society as a whole is not as forgiving as it seems for the B-type people and thus comes the stereotyping.

i'd like to think myself as a balanced individual, having both aptitude and attitude. the biggest fault i have perhaps, is not having the same attitude as i would when chasing a dream, as compared to the other things in life. the greatest example would be my poly transcripts. total number of As/Bs/Distinctions = total number of Cs/Ds. it evens up so well that my gpa is a meager 3.00. i ace the modules that i have interest in, and just doing enough to pass the rest. can't blame anyone but myself for that.

the question is. which one of the two traits would people value more? the apt individual with a slack attitude or the hardworking one who is not as talented but will almost always guarantee 100% effort and comittment? as they say, there's always the pros and cons to everything and it's up to the individuals to decide which they value more in their companies and organizations.

i dare say however, the armed forces is a place for both. but there are times when the apt ones turn out to be nothing but a farce. thus making a mockery of the system designed to sieve out people like them. what we affectionately call the 'wayang kings'. on the contrary, those of us who really put in effort and give our very best, get mistaken as the wayang-ers and get penalized because of it.

so now. the reason why i'm writing this post is because i've been giving serious thought the past few weeks about rejoining the air force. of course there are repercussions. i'll have to delay my varsity studies. and chances are, i won't make past Major if i work my socks of merely because of my age when i start. so i don't know where i stand. i don't know why i feel that there is a need for me chase that dream that as it is, remains unattainable. should i? would i? after weighing the pros and cons, the biased opinion would be to go ahead, but that's my pride pushing me on. some of the regulars i've spoken to have encouraged me to go ahead, others, the direct opposite. basically i'm still stuck in this conundrum, unable to find any answers to all the questions i have.

dreams and ambitions. we all want to fulfill them. but most of us can't. what then do we do? how do we move on? if given a second chance, do we seize the moment? or do we give up? i'm all for the second chance. what about you?

babies.

JANUARY
Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored.
Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to
recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth.
Stubborn. Repost this in 5 mins and you will meet
someone new in 8 days that will perfectly balance
your personality.

FEBRUARY
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract.
Intelligent and clever. Changing personality.
Attractive. sexiest out of everyone.
Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest
and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves
freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves
aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt.
Gets angry really easily but does not show it.
Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends
but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn.
Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp.
Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the
inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous.
Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate Shy and
reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous
and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity.
Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered.
Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness.
Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up
feelings. Observant and assesses others.

APRIL
Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous.
Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and
sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does
work well with others. Very confident. Sensitive.
Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good
memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look
for information. Able to cheer evryone up and/or
make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and
others. Understanding. Fun to be around.
Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive.
Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and
traveling. Systematic. hott but has brains.

MAY
Born and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and
highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered.
Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings.
Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint.
Needs no motivation. Shy towards oppisite sex.
Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to
dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding.
Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good
imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves
literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike
being at home. Restless. Not having many children.
Hardworking. High spirited. .

JUNE
You've got the best personality and are an
absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make
new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt
and more than likely have an a very attractive
partner. a wicked hottie. It is also more than likely
that you have a massive record collection. You
have a great choice in films, and may one day
become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck,
you've got the looks for it!!!

JULY
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to
be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed.
Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily
consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's
feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable.
Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.
Moody
and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. spazzy at
times.
Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.
dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things.
Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive
and forms impressions carefully. Caring and
loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of
sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people
through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties
in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods
about the past and the old friends. Waits for
friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive
unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt
but takes long to recover.

AUGUST
outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on
attention. no self control. kind hearted. self
confident. loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful.
easy to get along with and talk to. has an "every
thing's peachy" attitude. likes talking and singing.
loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. Hates
not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be
loved. hates studying. in need of "that someone".
longs for freedom. rebellious when withheld or
restricted. lives by "no pain no gain" caring.
always a suspect. playful. mysterious. "charming"
or "beautiful" to everyone. stubborn. curious.
independent. strong willed. a fighter.

SEPTEMBER
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends
to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself.
Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic.
Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems.
Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and
caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have
many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional.
Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates
oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore.
Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can
understand.

OCTOBER
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves
to takes things at the center. Inner and physical
beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry
often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and
fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but
recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does
not care to control emotions. Unpredictable.
Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND
sexiest of them all.

NOVEMBER
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and
dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun.
Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards
your inner and outer beauty and independent
personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional
and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people
easily and very social in a group. Fearless and
independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a
crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the
greatest men are born in this month. If you ever
begin a relationship with someone from this month,
hold on to them because their one of a kind.

DECEMBER
This straight-up means ur the most good-looking
person possible... better than all of these other
months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive
in everything. Active in games and interactions.
Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in
organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to,
though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision,
yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by
kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of
ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to
delay. Choosy and always wants the best.
Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to
joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone
always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer.
Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding.
Able to show character. one guy/girl kind of
person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting
colds. loves music. pretty/handsome. Loves to
dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows
emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt.
Sensitive.

one night in beijing.

陳昇 - 北京一夜

男︰ONE NIGHT IN BEIJING 我留下許多情
    不管你愛與不愛　都是歷史的塵埃
    ONE NIGHT IN BEIJING 我留下許多情
    不敢在午夜問路　怕走到了百花深處

女︰人說百花的深處　住著老情人　縫著繡花鞋
    面容安詳的老人　依舊等待著那出征的歸人

男︰ONE NIGHT IN BEIJING 你可別喝太多酒
    不管你愛與不愛　都是歷史的塵埃
    ONE NIGHT IN BEIJING 我留下許多情
    把酒對月高歌的男兒　是北方的狼族

女︰人說北方的狼族　會在寒風起　站在城門外
    穿著腐蝕的鐵衣　呼喚城門外　眼中含著淚

男︰嗚　我已等待了幾千年
    為何城門還不開
   嗚　我已等待了幾千年
    為何良人不回來

男︰ONE NIGHT IN BEIJING 我留下許多情
   不敢在午夜問路　怕觸動了傷心的魂
   ONE NIGHT IN BEIJING 我留下許多情
   不敢在午夜問路　怕走到了地安門

女︰人說地安門裡面　有位老婦人　猶在痴痴等
    面容安詳的老人　依舊等待那出征的歸人

男︰ONE NIGHT IN BEIJING 你可別喝太多酒
    走在地安門外　沒有人不動真情
   ONE NIGHT IN BEIJING 你會留下許多情
    不要在午夜問路　怕觸動了傷心的魂人)

男︰ONE NIGHT IN BEIJING (x2)

    重唱　＊

男︰ONE NIGHT IN BEIJING 你會留下許多情
    不要在午夜問路　怕觸動了傷心的魂

    重唱　＊