trouble.

saturday morning and the doctor said: "these will make you constipate"

Seabird - Falling For You

I hope this song will find you awake
'Cause what I need to say can't wait
I've loved you since we were just babes
The world can try but we can't change

'Cause I'm fallin'
I'm fallin' for you
Oh darling, it's finally true

I hope this song brings you back to life
'Cause I can see the fear in those eyes
I promise you if we just try
We'll take this wrong and make it right

'Cause I'm fallin'
I've fallen for you
Oh darling, it's finally true
And someday, I'll break your fall too
'Cause I'm fallin'
I'm fallin' for you

I'm fallin'
I'm fallin' for you
I'm fallin'
I'm fallin' for you
Oh, darling it's finally true
And I won't let your heart turn to stone
'Cause when I found you, my heart found a home
Yeah, when I found you, my heart found a home

challenge.

monday morning my new challenge for this semester.. read about it here. looking forward to the first training later tonight.

summary of courses i'm taking this semester:
infs3024 - information systems management
commp3110 - software analysis and design
mgmt1003 - management, people and organization
busn1001 - business reporting and analysis

and now, sleep.

steadfast and resolute.

saturday morning everyone has only so much tolerance for emotional, physical and psychological stress. it's been a rough couple of weeks where there has been much to contemplate about and even question yet the end result is, i have to keep the faith, be steadfast and resolute in my beliefs.

setback after setback has resulted in me being battered inside, to the extent that i contemplated resorting to alcohol to "ease the stress" and what not but i'm glad i never gave in to that.

i firmly believe that life comes full circle. it's hard to fathom that after giving so much, i've received only so little. yes, one may go on and talk about the riches in heaven, the riches of the soul and the riches of the mind but sometimes these are not i want or need at this present moment right?

confusion, to a certain degree is starting to set in and i really am lost as to what to do. things were never so complicated and hectic all the same time. it's weird. praying every night seems to make things better but only for the night, every morning i wake up to the same troubles in my head and the same sinking feeling. just wish things get better soon because i'm about to reach breaking point. all these before school even starts.

Seabird - Rescue

i'm pushing up daisies, i wish they were roses
i feel like i'm drowning but nobody knows it
i'm pushing up daisies, i wish they were roses
i feel like i'm dying, just want you to notice

somehow the grave has captured me
show me the man i used to be
just when i feel my breath is running out

the earth moves and you find me, alive but unworthy
broken and empty, but you don't care
cuz you are my rapture, you are my savior
when all my hope is gone, I reach for you
you are my rescue
you are my rescue

i'm swimming to safety, but even with my best
if i don't see that rope soon, this might be my last breath

somehow the grave has captured me
show me the man i used to be
just when i feel my breath is running out

the earth moves and you find me, alive but unworthy
broken and empty, but you don't care
because you are my rapture, you are my savior
when all my hope is gone, i reach for you
you are my rescue

don't let me drown
can you hear me
cuz i am
"drawlin out" (not sure)
i'm underground
won't you pull me out

the earth moves and you find me, alive but unworthy
broken and empty, but you don't care
because you are my rapture, you are my savior
when all my hope is gone, I reach for you
you are my rescue
you are my rescue
yeah, you are my rescue
yeah! you are my rescue

i'm pushing up daisies, i wish they were roses
i feel like i'm dying, just want you to notice

torn.

saturday afternoon how do you mourn a family member who wasn't close? i never liked him for some reason, i never spoke to him a lot nor did i visit him all these years. but the memories of him and the times that i did visit a long time a go still seem so fresh. i really do not know what to make of it.

it came as a shock when my dad sent me a text message at 1.45am. my grandpa was 92, had pneumonia and his body wasn't receptive to anti-biotics and the Lord called him home.

oddly enough, i found myself tearing a bit and tried to sleep it off. i woke up this morning feeling a bit empty but well, i guess it just hasn't sunk in yet. i'm not sure if those tears were meant for him or for the pain my grandma must be feeling now.

definitely not the kind of valentine's day that i had in mind. not with this, not with me burning my hands last night whilst baking cookies with anqing and zongyao. i most definitely never thought that i'd start my semester like this.

canberra: part deux

friday night well well, it's back to the land of kangaroos, koalas, possums, kevin rudd and wild bushfires. it's really unfortunate that the last one is partly due to arsonists. those people should be shot in the head.

in any case, summer isn't summer. it's more like spring/autumn. how's summer 8 degrees at night and 20 at midday? things have been going well so far, had to settle in quickly with the rush of things coming up. mentor training was a bore but international committee has been awesome so far. multicultural night's next thursday and thankfully i no longer have to cook. three cheers for caterers!

i've gotten all my stuff back from storage and i'm slowly unpacking my things, thinking of a new way to arrange my table, wardrobe and shelves. oddly enough, i just realised that i have a mild case of OCD. i like my clothes to be hung in a certain way, formal wear facing one direction, jackets and shirts facing another. and they must be hung in a certain order. hmmm..

so now, off to grab a really late dinner!

packed.

sunday afternoon i've been doing this packing and leaving thing for a good 2 years now yet somehow you never get used to it. leaving home is never easy especially when you've been away for so long.

1 year in taiwan, 2-3 years in australia. that's about 3.5 out of 5 years that i have spent or will spend overseas, taking into consideration the holidays during which i'll be back.

it's been a good summer but the last few weeks were the most awesome. mambo and left4dead aside, the company has been exceptional and i only wonder why didn't we all get together as a bunch of friends earlier. hopefully things continue on into the new semester and well, one can never have enough of great friends eh?

so for now, i'm looking forward to the new semester (i think). my timetable's tentatively a 3-day-work-week but i foresee a lot of catching up to do on the free days. i might not be able to play as much floorball this time round considering i end pretty late on wednesdays so i guess i'll be looking for alternative forms of recreation and what not.

the curious case of benjamin button.

saturday morning all in all, a very poignant show for me. we may have laughed when nicholas said that there is always something to learn from movies but i find it especially true this time around. despite the reviews calling it a "shallow" film, i think one need only to take in the show in its entirety to be able to appreciate one thing: life; how we choose to lead our lives, how we choose to affect other people's lives and whether or not we have discharged our conscience as a honest and reliable friend/family member.

Boys Like Girls - Thunder

Today is a winding road that's taking me
To places that I didn't want to go
Whoa (whoa, whoa, whoa)
Today in the blink of an eye
I'm holding on to something
And I do not know why
I tried

I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation
For what I'm feeling inside
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Today is a winding road
Tell me where to start and tell me something I don't know
Whoa (whoa, whoa, whoa)
Today I'm on my own
I can't move a muscle and I can't pick up the phone
I don't know (I don't know, I don't know, I don't know)

And now I'm itching for the tall grass
And longing for the breeze
I need to step outside
Just to see if I can breathe
I gotta find a way out
Maybe theres a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain

Yeah I'm walking on a tightrope
I'm wrapped up in vines
I think we'll make it out
But you just gotta give me time
Strike me down with lightning
Let me feel you in my veins
I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain

Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go
Whoa

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder

And I said
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
Oh baby bring on the pain

sigh.

sunday morning dilemma dilemma dilemma. a decision needs to be made and conflicting advise doesn't help one bit.